she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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