I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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