i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
