I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
