Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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