so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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