Plan B is the new Plan A
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
