the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
