I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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