so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
