I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
