you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize