Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
