in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
