Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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