I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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