I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
