Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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