i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
