I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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