she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
