So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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