Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
