is your mom at the bar?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
