you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
