handjob tips. give me some.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
