Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
