Your mouth is God's brothel.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
