just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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