had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize