i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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