Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
