I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
