Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
