i'm signing you up for texting rehab
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
