Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
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Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
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