We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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