I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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