Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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