6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
