My sheets look like a crime scene.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
