We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
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She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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