was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
