I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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