I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
