apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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