Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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