TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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