so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I came so hard my ears popped.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
