I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I deserve this hangover.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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