Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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