She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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