I think I am morally bankrupt
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
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I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
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You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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