It's Friday. Sex?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
