So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
