You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
