Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
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Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize