the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
