I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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