this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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