So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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